Come What May

A few years ago  The Iron Lady  came out in theaters.    The ever talented Meryl Streep was playing the role of Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady; what a perfect combination.    My friends and I were the only individuals in that theater under the age of 40.    Apparently the youth of America do not want to see movies about old British ladies, which is a shame.    Margaret Thatcher is by far the most interesting and clever woman I have ever read about extensively on Wikipedia.    Of course much of the dialogue in the film is fabricated, but from what I understand it is true to form.    My favorite scene happens between Margaret Thatcher and her doctor when he asks his spirited, but aged and declining dementia patient how she feels. “One of the greatest problems of our age is that we are governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts and ideas.  Now, thoughts and ideas, that interes...

“For when we want to speak to God, we pray. And when we want Him to speak to us, we search the scriptures” (Elder Robert D. Hales). Heavenly Father, I am… I— I can’t.  I’m sorry. Shortly after I turned 18 I knelt by my bedside to ask Heavenly Father if He was there, if He was listening, and if He was mindful of me.  In that dark and quiet room I felt an overwhelming presence of love and peace fill my soul.  He and his angels were close by and He wanted me to know it. I have never forgotten that special prayer when I rediscovered that God was real, that He loved His little girl, and that He was really listening; nor have I ever doubted it since. Father, I know that…I just… I’m—I can’t do this. I recently discovered that just because I know God is listening, doesn’t mean I always want to talk to Him.   Father, I—I’m… It's hard for me to talk about my feelings. I know God can take whatever I have to say, but there are moments when I can’t...

“Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). You are a bitch. Lex, breathe. Worthless piece of sh— Focus on your breathing. That’s not you, you know that. You think the word crap is inappropriate. “Hey Alexis! You look cute today!” “Thanks!” You couldn’t even get out of bed for class. You are pathetic. It's fine, I’m going to work now. You should kill yourself. Jump off the balcony. Just kill yourself. You are useless. Kill yourself. “Hey Alexis, I need some help with Angular Kinetics, can we go over that?” Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Focus on this moment. Just enjoy this moment. “We sure can.” “This class is called ‘Learning through Service,’ so I’m not going to give you a test. Your midterm is to get into groups of three and go find someone to serve. Be back at 4:35.” “So what do you guys want to do?” I don’t want to do anything. “Do you mind if we sa...

“To be, or not to be — that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep — ” -Hamlet “How can I help you?” “I am a patient of Dr. G.  I wanted to talk to him about some side effects I’ve been having.” “What is your name? And what are you taking? And what side effects are you experiencing?” “Depression.” “I’ll let him know.” “Mom, it’s so hard. I can’t make it stop. No wonder people kill themselves.” “I know Lexie, but that’s not going to be you. This is just temporary. You are going to get through this. It’s going to get better.  You can change; you have to fight it, okay?” “Yes ma’am.” “Depression is a rare side effect; but it is a possibility. Your medication might be the cause or the trigger. It will take time to treat.” “I understand.” “Alexis, do you feel safe?” “No.” “Why not?” “I’m afraid of what I’ll do wh...

Two years ago I was sick in bed--bored, friendless, and depressed--when my little brother came in the room to cheer me up.   "Lexie," he said very pensively, "on a scale from one to ten you are a six!" followed by rapid gasps from his hysterical laughter.  He's a keeper.  After my flu shot this week I thought I'd take a shortcut home over a very small fence. With my keys in one hand and important papers in the other I started one foot over the fence until my shirt got caught and I suddenly realized I didn't have any more hands. I came back down and spent an awkward minute rearranging my body position, trying to decide if I was capable of hopping a fence without ruining my clothes. Come on kid, you aren't 7 anymore you can do this!  Needless to say I looked foolish.  Although, not quite as foolish as when a few hours later I was riding my bike home from work and thought: I can make it over that curb. Ooooh. Nevermind. I can't.  My...

"The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil" (Joseph F. Smith).    This summer in Ecuador the mosquitoes have caused quite the epidemic.  As it so happens I have been in Ecuador. I have also been bit by mosquitoes; so as is the natural conclusion I too have contracted the disease. Just recently I found out that my chikungunya virus is causing liver inflammation; that means hepatitis, baby. It's a mild case, but at least it explains the joint pain, headaches, and fatigue; it even explains the raging hormones that have taken me back to my middle school days a time or two. The good news according to my medical professional: I am emotionally stable. That's gotta make you feel good.     During the initial flu symptoms a couple months ago I left my bed exclusively for food and the bathroom. For each small venture beyond my cave I was given plenty of warm lime water to drink. Yum. Each time I thought: I do...

As I sat quietly at my desk studying, my fellow freshman roommate passed through the doorway with my Anatomy and Physiology textbook open in her hands. In response to my curious look at her nervous giggles she burst out courageously, “I have questions.” Unbeknown to me my inquisitive roommate had spent the past 45 minutes pouring through the chapter on reproductive systems. For the next two hours I found myself answering question after question about genitals and the “miracle of life” as our other blushing roommate shook her head quietly in disbelief. That day I realized that learning appropriate terminology and discussing sexual terms as a family had influenced my healthy thought processes regarding sex. My mind flashed back to the first time I understood how sex worked. My mom and I were reading a children’s reference book called The Human Body . Mom was very frank with me: “This is a uterus,” “That is a penis;” and just like that we talked about sexuality. Throughout the years we ...