Tick Tock
“Lord, how ashamed I should be of not being married before three and twenty!” Pride and Prejudice Vol. II Ch. XVI
“So—are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you dating anyone?”
“No.”
“How old are you?”
“24.”
[Insert uncomfortable pause here.]
“Well, I’m sure it will happen soon.”
Welcome to my world.
For those of my readers who are, as of yet, unfamiliar with my cultural surroundings, let me explain: My quaint college town hosts a very religious community. That religious community cares a lot about marriage and family. Also, this place is saturated with literally thousands of intelligent and attractive young men and women; they are in search of eternal life and an eternal partner to share it with. Privately, my sister and I compare this remarkable phenomenon to the “land that floweth with milk and honey.”
As a faithful member of my congregation I know it is my life mission to date, to marry, and to make babies—in that specific order. In consequence, my romantic pursuits will continue to be of great interest to the general populace until the day I am actually married. After that they will want to know why I haven’t had more babies. Just imagine a Jane Austen novel, except here women can wear pants and have jobs.
In the arena of love, commentators have few reservations:
“Lexie, you are an incredible girl, but you are also very intimidating.” Dinner? No thanks. It's not that I don't like you, I just find your threatening aura to be a little overwhelming.
“What about you and [insert name of man over six feet tall]? You’d be cute together.”
“Maybe—but I really don’t think his wife would appreciate it.”
“If I were a young man I would date you,” says the creepy old guy trying to touch my butt. Woah, buddy—hands off.
Once I was told I might have to wait for an old widower’s first or second wife to die. It wasn’t a joke.
Most popularly—after answering “No” to the query “Are you dating anyone?”—there generally comes a disapproving, “Why aren’t you dating anyone?” To which I reply with a hair flip and sigh, “No one will love me.”
In all seriousness, Dad wants to see his grandchildren before he dies, so I’ve got to get cracking. To all you eligible young men out there, please be informed there is a vacancy in the husband department. I will be accepting applications until the position is filled.
Obviously (at least to some of us), relationships are important. Decades of research and millions of dollars spent on Harvard’s Grant study confirm this. Subjects with warm, healthy relationships had the highest life satisfaction—or as leading researcher George Vaillant put it: “Happiness is love. Full stop.” The mystery is solved.
This is great news—unless of course you live a lonely life and you just found out your solitude puts you at high risk for misery and a decreased lifespan. Allow me to insert the words of William Shakespeare here: “Prince, thou art sad. Get thee a wife, get thee a wife.” If you have a wife, tell her you love her—because statistically single men fare worse than single women. That being said, I think whether we are single, widowed, married, dating, drowning in babies, or empty nesters, we all need somebody to love and to be loved. Sometimes we might let individuals pass through our lives unnoticed or neglected, even though they are the ones who bring the most joy and fulfillment. My suggestion—within human limits—is that we slow down, find love, and love better. Believe me that somebody probably needs what you have to give.
“Maybe—but I really don’t think his wife would appreciate it.”
“If I were a young man I would date you,” says the creepy old guy trying to touch my butt. Woah, buddy—hands off.
Once I was told I might have to wait for an old widower’s first or second wife to die. It wasn’t a joke.
Most popularly—after answering “No” to the query “Are you dating anyone?”—there generally comes a disapproving, “Why aren’t you dating anyone?” To which I reply with a hair flip and sigh, “No one will love me.”
In all seriousness, Dad wants to see his grandchildren before he dies, so I’ve got to get cracking. To all you eligible young men out there, please be informed there is a vacancy in the husband department. I will be accepting applications until the position is filled.
Obviously (at least to some of us), relationships are important. Decades of research and millions of dollars spent on Harvard’s Grant study confirm this. Subjects with warm, healthy relationships had the highest life satisfaction—or as leading researcher George Vaillant put it: “Happiness is love. Full stop.” The mystery is solved.
This is great news—unless of course you live a lonely life and you just found out your solitude puts you at high risk for misery and a decreased lifespan. Allow me to insert the words of William Shakespeare here: “Prince, thou art sad. Get thee a wife, get thee a wife.” If you have a wife, tell her you love her—because statistically single men fare worse than single women. That being said, I think whether we are single, widowed, married, dating, drowning in babies, or empty nesters, we all need somebody to love and to be loved. Sometimes we might let individuals pass through our lives unnoticed or neglected, even though they are the ones who bring the most joy and fulfillment. My suggestion—within human limits—is that we slow down, find love, and love better. Believe me that somebody probably needs what you have to give.
P.S. As a reminder, the application is now open. Interviews required.
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