On Being Sick

“For I know that my redeemer liveth… And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God” (Job 19:25-26).

Some days are fine.  Some days are not.  Some days all I want to do is get up and go.  Some days all I want to do is lie on my bed.  Some days I find that there are too many things to do.  Some days I find that there is nothing I can do.  Some days I’m restless, some days I’m peaceful.  Some days I am energetic and enthusiastic.  Some days there is a cloud of melancholy hanging over me.   Some days I am happy, some days I am unhappy.  It is an unpredictable and frustrating pattern.

That is a difficult thing to live with.  I don’t like being ill and nobody likes seeing me ill.  By peers I am accused of being anti-social, of using my illness as an excuse.  By family I am given worried looks and sighs.  People want me to just stop being sick.  They want the pain to be gone; they want the feelings of depression to go away; they want the worrying to stop, for my happiness and their peace of mind.

Well, I didn’t want to spoil our planned Christmas vacation with trips to the doctor, or leave my brother’s wedding reception so I could cry alone on the bathroom floor, or miss out with my friends, or fall behind in school, or come home early from a mission I’ve wanted to serve since Primary, or get tired and dizzy on dates.  I don’t want to be broken.  I don’t want to be a burden.  I want to be healthy and strong and fun, but sometimes I’m just not.

Lucky for me recovery is much closer than it is for others.  Some people will have to wait months and years, others until Heaven.  Thankfully, through Christ and His Atonement I know that one day we will all be healed.  How beautiful and comforting that is.  But what do we do in the meantime?  How do we deal with the sick?

I am not sure that I entirely know, but I am reminded of the words Samwise says to his friend at the close of their epic quest: “Come on Mr. Frodo, I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”  Right now my poor health is the burden that I have to bear.  I am the burden that my loved ones have to bear.  No one can take away the load, but lots of people can help carry me through it.  And I certainly need them to!

Everyone is different and will have different needs and opinions.  There will be concern and frustration; there will be confusion and fatigue; there will be good days and bad days.  But as we work through it one day at a time we can truly learn to bear one another’s burdens, we can come to understand one another, and we can come to understand the Atonement and what Christ does for us.  Whatever happens nothing will bring greater peace and strength for the sufferers than the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So to the well and strong,
Be patient with the sick, even when they are impatient with you.  Don’t pretend that you know how it feels, but try your best to understand. 

And to the sick,
Be patient with the well and strong, even when they are impatient with you.  Don’t expect people to understand, but know that they are trying.

One day we will all take a turn lifting.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

O That I Were an Angel

Image
“O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! “Yea, I would declare unto every soul…the plan of redemption…that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth” (Alma29:1-2). For the past year I have been serving a part-time FamilySearch Support mission in the Family History Department.  Most people have no idea what that means.  For me it means helping people do their family history.  Every day 15 hours a week, I sit at a computer taking phone calls, chats, and emails from people with questions about their family trees.  I wear a little missionary nametag to church every week and teach lots of family history lessons.  Sometimes I am really good at what I do.  Sometimes I am really bad at what I do, but it’s a work in progress.  In addition...
Read more

Are You Happy or Sad?

Image
I gasped for air.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, and somehow I still heard myself scream.  I thought I was dying. One evening I started a blog post I couldn’t finish.  I wrote it, I stared at it, and I deleted it.  Then I cried.  Life has been really good for me the past month.  I finished a semester, I got good grades, I took a vacation, I got a pay raise, I leave the house regularly, and I have even better things to look forward to.  Sometimes I feel so happy and encouraged! That is not why I cry.  The National Institute of Mental Health says not every traumatized person develops post-traumatic stress disorder.  It actually surprised me to see how high I scored on the screening tests.  Then my roommate woke up to my screaming (again) and I stopped feeling so surprised.  PTSD is an anxiety disorder which can develop months or years after a traumatic event.  Since I was 17 I’ve always felt a little traum...
Read more

Is it Dark in There?

 “I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell” (2 Nephi 33:6). One night while out for a walk I found myself looking out at the top of the hill.  The moon and the stars shone beautifully above me, and the lights from the city glowed below.  I was suddenly very impressed by the strength of the light coming at me in so many different directions.  Even in the darkness of night, light was everywhere. I am sometimes depressed thinking about the political and civil unrest flooding the world, disasters and accidents, dishonesty and immorality, diseases and infirmities, corruption, poverty, abuse, and oppression which has filled so many corners of the earth.  There are a lot of dark places, even and sometimes especially in our most private and personal spaces. I was always a little afraid of the dark.  I was the kid that had to leap into bed from across the room to avoid the scary monsters hiding ...
Read more