Come What May

It was a lovely April morning.  The sun shone, the tulips bloomed, the mountains beckoned, and I was inside staring at a computer screen in the Harold B. Lee Library reading my next chapter for class.  Ever the devoted student.  Minutes later I was greeted by a handsome young man I know. "What are you up to?" He inquires cheerfully. "Just working on a reading assignment."  I smile politely. "Oh yeah?  What are you reading about?"  He asks with interest. "Female orgasms!" I express articulately. He blushes.  Heads turn.  He never speaks to me again. No, that didn't happen.  I thought it best not to draw unnecessary attention to myself in the hub of an academic library.  I got a lot of funny looks last time when I was studying cross-sections of male penises.  Nevertheless, I was in fact reading a book on female orgasms, and thoroughly enjoying myself. Sex. Isn't it fascinating what kinds of emotions foll...

When I pour juice it spills onto the table.  When I stir a pot my food ends up on the floor.  Water dribbles down my chin with alarming frequency as if I've forgotten how my mouth works since the last time I took a drink.  Somehow I get grease stains whenever I wear tan pants to work from gym equipment I don't even use.  My life is full of unconsciously accumulated bumps and bruises and tiny scratches that bleed all over my clothes before I discover I need to buy more band-aids.  I missed the exit to the airport and drove my family 40 minutes in the wrong direction.  Then the gas light came on. Such is life for the incompetent. Unfortunately--more for the quick-tempered than for the patient--I have discovered a world full of creatures very much like me.  It is called Earth.  Here we do all sorts of silly things: lose important papers we've been safekeeping all week, forget to set a timer for the burning bread in the oven.  I've even hea...